*sees person I know in a crowd*
*waves enthusiastically*
* realizes I don’t know person*
* changes enthusiastic wave to awkward fist pump*

You Might Also Like


No good ever comes from pulling on that tiny thread.


Not only did I find 5 grey hairs on the top of my head but they were also sticking straight up. So….I’m transforming into Albert Einstein.


My cardio is just me following my kids from room to room and turning off the lights.


women love to see the veins in a man’s arm. it shows he runs on blood, and not something more sinister


If by retirement plan you mean a swear jar, then yes I do have a retirement plan.


Guys, leave 3 notes scattered around ur house for ur girlfriend that say “Will”, “you”, & “me.” That’ll keep her busy while u watch sports.


if ur getting chased by a bunch of drunk 90’s kids just yell out “in west Philadelphia born & raised” then u got like 2 min to run


Friend: Can I borrow a pen?
Me: Sure!
*looks in purse*
*pulls out perfume, 17 Hershey kisses, a stapler & a baby goat*
Me: Sorry, no pen. ūüôĀ