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@Browtweaten: *Sees someone tying a yellow ribbon around a tree*
Me: Oh dang, Groot knows karate
@MariyaAlexander: Swimming is my favorite recreational activity that's also a desperate attempt not to die
@gobmentcheese: I like to stand next to a stranger on the elevator and whisper, "I read what you said on the internet."
@Shen_the_Bird: hagrid: you're a wizard harry
harry: I'm a what?
hagrid: a wizard
harry: (thought he said lizard at first) oh ok that's cool too I guess
@AGreaterMonster: Dear Applicant,
Your résumé appears to be a string of stolen tweets. Congratulations, you're our new VP of Marketing!
@LadyBombs: I'm good now. I pretended the vegetables I was chopping were actually people. It helped.