Do girls that make duck faces in pictures walk in a V formation at the mall?
*SEES SPIDER DRESSED AS A CLOWN IN THE SHOWER*
**LEAVES THE UNIVERSE**
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Me: Oh baby, that’s the spot.
Murderer: Please stop saying that.
Me: baby, I’m gonna make you groan
Her: you mean moan
Me: *about to tell an awful joke* I do not
Praying mantis walks up to his buddies with no head,
“Guess who got laid last night?”
When your bucket of KFC starts talking about the afterlife, that is some deep fried chicken.
Me: Mum was I adopted?
Mum: Yes, but they gave you back
Him: I eat healthily
Me who has just learned the word ditto and can’t wait to use it: say something else
COP: I’m arresting you
ME: oh no
COP: You must make one phone call
ME: OH NO
this FaceApp is creepy af
One of my most strongly held beliefs is that if you push down hard enough on anyone’s shoulders extra hair will start piping out of their head like a play-doh barbershop set