Someone explain why clothes are so expensive? I should not have to pay this much to not be naked. People should pay ME to not be naked
*Sends carrier pigeon back*
“I have a suitor.”
You Might Also Like
The irony of the gay pride flag is that it clashes with everything.
If you are interested in me, now is the time to shoot your shot. My standards are incredibly low.
-You talkin to my girl?
-What if I am?
ARTIST: I charge $50 per limb, because limbs are difficult to draw
ME: How much to draw me from the side?
ARTIST: That’ll cost you an arm and a leg
Ways that I am superior to dolphins:
– Am not afraid of being on dry land
– If you ask me to open an envelope, I do it quickly and it doesn’t get wet
– Faster at replying to emails
– Know more about the causes of World War 1
– Very rare for me to be swept up in a fishing net
ME: I’VE DONE IT!
MOUSE WITH EAR GROWING ON IT’S BACK: Holy crap keep it down.
I’m pretty sure there isn’t a single Australian animal that wouldn’t look good in a top hat.
me: *finishing first* I win again!
wife: you really don’t
I startled a mom and her kids in the Back To School aisle today at work.
I came around the corner and yelled SUPPLIES!