Seriously, if you hacked Trump’s account and wanted to make him look bad, WHAT THE HELL WOULD YOU EVEN TWEET.

You Might Also Like


Guys guide to AC levels in car with spouse:
If you’re hot, she’s cold
If you’re comfortable, she’s cold
If you’re cold, she’s not in the car


I found where my mom hid the scissors, so everyone in my house woke up with a new haircut this morning.


My neighbors loved the music so much when I turned it up, that they invited the police to listen. 🙂


Women’s logic:
I went to buy a suit. But i saw a beautiful pair of shoes. So i bought this handbag.


ME: “I’ll have a rum & coke.”
HIM: “I can’t serve you.”
ME: “Because I’m too drunk?”
HIM: “No. ’cause this is a hardware store.”


Planning on buying my daughter a Volvo so she’s safe but with a mismatched door so she gets the struggle.


_’D L_K_ TO SOL__ TH_ P_ZZL_
I’d like to solve the puzzle, Pat
Go ahead
I’d like to solve the puzzle
Yes, go ahead
No, I’d like to..


friend: “ok, when does a joke become a ‘dad joke’?”

me, with no hesitation: “when it becomes apparent”


My almond-milk shake brings all the vegans to the yard, and they’re like …. “where’s your compost?”