Sounds like thunder outside, but it’s 2020, might be King Kong for all I know.
Setting a teachers salary based on student performance is akin to paying a zookeeper based on how well the monkeys are behaving.
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Turns out my parenting style is more “Disney villain” and less “Disney princess.”
When wife laughs at your jokes:
It means you have guests in the house.
Her: How do you do it w/ 4 kids?
Hubs: With the door locked.
Me: She means how do we manage…but yeah.
her: what’s up
me: i’m just driving
her: cool where
me: in the front seat
her: no i mean what location
me: driver’s side
Teens are like the Magic 8ball of humans, they think they have all the answers & you want to shake them because what they said was stupid.
*In a meeting room with a Prenatal Vitamin company*
Guy1: “So, you know how these women are pregnant, right?”
G1: “And they’re nauseous and can’t swallow anything”
G1: “What if we made the pill comically large?”
G1: “and it stinks”
I: Hope I’m disturbing you
M: You are
I: You know what we could do?
M: Let me sleep?
I: HA, no, let’s think about hippos
Don’t be that crazy person who collects cats. Collect something else instead like toenails.
me: “hey who’s your favourite child?”
wife: “we’re not supposed to have a favourite”
me: “why not? i do”
me: “macaulay culkin, home alone 2”