@internetluke

[sex ed in middle school]
Teacher: “Today we are having sex ed”
Ed: hell yeah we are!
Teacher: “Education”

[sex ed in middle school]
Teacher: “Today we are having sex ed”
Ed: hell yeah we are!
Teacher: “Education”

- @internetluke

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@jazmasta

BREAKING: Olympic athlete stripped of medal after urine sample shows traces of rubber, which is a band substance

@squirrel74wkgn

[at swimming pool]

Me: I remember being 25 years old and doing front flips off the diving board with no problem

EMT: *straps me to gurney* Well sir, you’re not 25 anymore

@trumpetcake

If my grandfather were alive today he’d be trapped in a box underground. Horrible to think about really.

@SteveSuckington

Kinda thick horizontal curvy line, two thinner curvy vertical lines, squiggly line, different thicker squiggly line

-Japanese spelling bee

@Clare_innit

It’s fun to smudge your lipstick and ruffle your hair before you come out of your bosses office, then give your work colleagues a wink.

@theabstractass

Strong people don’t put others down. They lift them up.

And throw them.

@Jason_maybe

Nothing sets a bad precedence like your boss catching you actually working.

@IamEnidColeslaw

watch only the first and last episodes of How I Met Your Mother. you’re welcome

@PrisonCookies

When people are making out in public make things even more awkward by applying chapstick and announcing you’re next