In about five years when a kindergarten teacher is taking attendance and calls out Thanos at least eight boys will say “here.”
Sex is like pizza. Turtles are having it in the sewers.
You Might Also Like
“would u like some dessert?” i ask the moose head above the fireplace
“no thanks im stuffed” i reply, in a slightly deeper voice
THIS IS SO TERRIFYING
[devil’s first day on the job]
human: so i get anything I want?
human: and all you want is my shoe?
devil: just the bottom part, but yes
Relationship Status: just tried to reach for my dog’s paw and he pulled it away so I pretended I was reaching for the remote.
Place fake present under tree with unruly child’s name on it and when he misbehaves toss it into the burning fireplace
Some tattoo artists need to just say, “no, I’m not doing this shit.”
the girl behind me on this 14 hr flight has brought a UKULELE and she is PLAYING IT
GIRL: would you like to go out for dinner sometime?
ME:*nervously looks around*
MY MUM: *appearing from nearby bush* he only eats lunchables
The horror when you realize you’ve drunk DMd a picture, the relief when you see it’s you holding your neighbor’s new puppy.