*Buys map of world, pins up on wall
*Throws dart, swears to visit wherever it lands
*packs for wall 3 feet away
*has an amazing time at wall
GF: u bring protection?
ME: ya [i show a gun]
GF: not what I meant
ME: I kno, I have a fox guarding us. The gun is for if it wigs out
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I can unlock any fingerprint reader
[flashes back to hacking off victims’ fingers] Yes
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me: my wife and I aren’t talking to each other
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