Shaggy: Scoob you can’t smoke nitrate ester, you’ll explode!
Scooby Doo: RONO?! *Explodes and dies*

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Sorry I yelled “GET A ROOM!” at your grandson’s wrestling tournament.


“I know exactly how you feel.”

*staring at a deflated giant inflatable snowman


All my friends look like a Victoria’s Secret model and I look like a Victoria sponge cake


[paddling silently along the amazon in 2-man kayak taking in it’s beauty]
*from behind me*
you know they named this after a website


“I’m so sorry”

“No, I’m really sorry”

“No, I’m even sorrier than you”

“No, I’m the sorriest ever!”

*mutual hug*

-Canadian rap battle


ME: I hate him with 1/16th of the fibers of my being
GUY: Not every fiber?
ME: I hate alot of people. I’m not wasting all my fibers on 1 guy


It’s cute that kids think they’re safer with the light on, when actually it makes you more vulnerable and easier to spot.


ME: Too much turkey makes me so tired

HER: Actually, it makes you sleepy, not tired

ME: I’m getting real sleepy of your shit, Debra