@withanewname

Shake up a random soda pop in the company fridge today. You deserve it.

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@PopSlapFunk

When 13 witches collectively fart in a cauldron and quickly cover it with a lid…

*lowers shades*

…Dutch Coven.

@spcycucumber

Its not what it looks like officer!
“you were driving down the highway taking selfies singing n’sync”
Ok I guess it was what it looked like

@noneofyours99

Can you guess which dog isn’t falling for the “worm pill” wrapped in bacon ?

@Landon8426

American Ninja Warrior is a bunch of people who took “the floor is lava” game way to seriously as kids.

@PhilJamesson

Husband Bear: Honey! I’m home!
Wife Bear: For God’s sake, would you at LEAST say hello before demanding dinner?

@mack44_d

Only marriage can turn an incorrectly folded towel into an act of war.

@attsmcjay

Hubs: ” Few glasses of wine tonight hun”?
Me: ” Yeah, I had a glass of red”
Hubs : ” Just one eh”
Me: ” Well I use the same glass”