@withanewname: Shake up a random soda pop in the company fridge today. You deserve it.
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@torrami: Never let them see how much they hurt you. Or the gun. Definitely don't let them see the gun.
@ediblemousefeet: bouncer: I'm going to have to ask you to leave me: why bouncer: I have no idea who you are and this is my trampoline
@illiter8too: ME: I call bullshit getting kicked out of IHOP bc my anxiety falcon isn't tethered; that pug's not leashed. HOST: Ma'am, that's a toddler.
@ewfeez: Showed my daughter “The Karate Kid” and now she’ll happily do any manual labor if I just tell her we are “training.”