Me: *picks nose*
Plastic Surgeon: excellent choice
Shamrocks are the most dishonest of all the rocks.
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All day: I’m so tired I could cry
12:30 am: Not only should I write a musical, I should do it right now
Who wore it best? #Oscars2015
Sometimes a family is walking towards you taking up the entire sidewalk and you have no choice but to just become part of that family.
“How do we spell this pasta?”
“What the hell”
“I have some questions”
i started vaping to fit in with my friends, who are mostly steam whistles
Netflix: Are you still watching?
Netflix: is that a book in your hands?
me: *gulp* no
Friend gave me a ‘stress’ ball to squeeze when I’m tense. Did what I always do when nervous, I ate it.
Me: I’d like one thrift, please
Cashier: sir, we sell used-
Me: money is no object
C: we don’t-
M: I need a thrift
Raise your hand if you’d like to go back to more simple times when clowns were in the woods scaring us.