@fro_vo: [shark tank]
ME: it’s a belt with a clock on it
SHARK: this is a waste of time
@NicCageMatch: Ugh why is my bag so heavy? *goes through bag* ok keys, wallet, book, sandwich, water, anvil, other sandwich, human baby, no I need all this
@Darlainky: *slips cheat map to my favorite nephew for the annual Easter egg hunt* Now remember, I get half the take.
@Thing_Finder: I hate when I can't remember if my wife and I are in love or fighting. So, I'm like a minesweeper in the mornings.
@UncleDuke1969: *opens "Job Interview Handbook"
*reads "dress for the job you want"
*goes to computer
*Googles "ladies' bicycle seat costume"
@primawesome: A lady just walked into Taco Bell, dumped every hot sauce packet in her bag and left. I should follow her. What's the rest of her day like?