a:2:{i:0;a:5:{s:4:”user”;s:15:”LindseyEllison2″;s:5:”image”;s:98:”http://a0.twimg.com/profile_images/378800000102924655/b3e616c039ec94a6468ed3e3aba69840_bigger.jpeg”;s:6:”id_str”;s:18:”355424627050295298″;s:7:”retweet”;s:1:”6″;s:5:”tweet”;s:132:”Sharks are so misunderstood. They ONLY eat people’s legs because they want you to transform into a mermaid and be friends with them.”;}s:7:”retweet”;i:0;}

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Why does a microwave beep multiple times. Don’t act like we aren’t waiting by it


I’m at my sexiest when I find the grown out patch of hair on the outside of my ankle I missed with the razor the last 17 times I shaved.


You know your driving really sucks when your GPS says “After 300 yards, stop and let me out”


It’s true I hear voices in my head but they speak Russian so I have absolutely no idea what they’re saying


I think police forgot which organized group of white dudes with shaved heads they are.


I dreamt I was getting attacked by a bike repeatedly.

It was a vicious cycle.


Someone in this world has consumed more mayonnaise than anyone else currently alive and they don’t even know it