@tweetsbyrocket

shawn: [yawns] I’m tired
shaun: [yauns] me too
sean: [yeans] and me

shawn: [yawns] I’m tired
shaun: [yauns] me too
sean: [yeans] and me

- @tweetsbyrocket

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@ShutUpThatsWho

[clown cleaning shower]

MRS CLOWN: Don’t forget to remove the hair from the drain.

[clown just keeps pulling long multi-coloured hair out]

@JKNenagh

Who the hell invented Bull Riding?

“Hey, I’m gonna hop on that 2,000 pound pissed off animal…Time me!!!”

@TheToddWilliams

Dorothy: Follow the Yellow Brick Road.

Yellow Brick Road: I have a boyfriend.

@bjaynash

The only thing my girlfriend blows is everything out of proportion.

@Browtweaten

Infomercial Host: Who wants to fix their chronic acne problem?

Audience: *clapping*

Host: Sir, are you leaving?

Wile E. Coyote: *shuffling out on broken rocket skates* I misread the flyer

@BlackJerms

Me: So tired

Brain: IKR!! But wait, who organised the alphabet…

M: Please don’t

B: N how do we know it’s not actually disorganized?

@k_lli

I carpool with a guy & we have officially run out of things to talk about. Today he commented on how well-made the road was. I agreed.