If you think a dragon is going to solve all your problems you’re probably right.
She can’t leave if you’re wearing all of her clothes.
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*Sees chocolate bar with a note “please don’t eat me”.
*Eats chocolate bar
Now who would want to eat a piece of paper?
Her: I love to travel.
Me: *stands up with basketball* I don’t think this is gonna work.
7 came home to a “7” balloon on his birthday & asked “Why is there an upside-down L balloon here?” & I’m really excited because now I can spend his college fund on that tummy tuck with a clear conscience.
Tater Tots is a much better name than the original Crispy Potato Embryos.
Please, you are bringing shame to your ancient weasel ancestors.
Her: I’m a model.
Me: You look so real!
[Food Network: Cake Wars]
As the team barely delivers their massive cake to the judges table.
Cat Judge pushes it off the table
“All lower case?” -your mom getting an email address
in high school our gym teacher asked us who we thought the smartest teacher in the school was. we guessed the AP chem teacher, the precalc teacher, the AP physics teacher, etc. he goes, nope, it’s me because I get paid the same as those guys and I play dodgeball all day.