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@DurtMcHurtt: She can't leave if you're wearing all of her clothes.
@crocodilethumbs: Me: But Halloween is the one day a year you get to be anybody you want
Jury at my Identify Theft Trial: [impressed whispering]
@ComedicBust: *First Date*
*thinks about the 50,000 piece Lego Death Star I'm building*
Me: Architecture and Astronomy.
@DaddyJew: Me: what do you want to be when you grow up?
Me: no, something reasonable
@TheRolo: Me: You're a cat person aren't you?
Her: [Completely ignores me]
Me: Knew it!
@POTerritory: General: Why is the whole battalion yellow and slimy?
Me: I mustard the troops.
Me: Just as you told me to, sir.