She changed her mind ..

Hope the new one works !!


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Women are like angels, and when someone breaks our wings, we simply continue to fly……. on a broomstick, we’re flexible like that


If I was a Disney princess I’d most likely be Tacobelle.

Thanks for reading.


me and my boys moving from one free sample station to another at costco


Down on yourself for being lazy? Keep in mind the Greeks believed their GODS lived atop a very hikeable mountain and no one went to check.


STRANGER: Your dog is unusual looking

ME: Yeah, he’s interbred

DUCK: [waddles up] I’ll tell you who else is into bread


CONDUCTOR: Oh my dad’s in the audience
[waves to dad]
[orchestra goes crazy]


[getting brutally stabbed] hey wait, you have an eyelash *gently removes it* make a wish


in which a Twitter developer finally discovers Twitter


[on trial for murder]

lawyer: have you ever eaten cereal with water

me: [sweating] I don’t see how that’s-

judge: answer the question