@Terrence101010

She changed her mind ..

Hope the new one works !!

~TF

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@ClaytonSykes

Revere rides a horse saying “The British are Coming”and it’s heroic but I hop a pogo stick naked screaming “look at me”and it’s probation?

@ThugRaccoons

Son: Can we go to the beach?

Me: *dumps a bucket of sand down his shorts* There you go, bud.

@raydevito

If Kim Kardashian is allowed to sue Old Navy b/c a model looks like her, then Khloe Kardashian should expect a lawsuit from Chewbacca.

@NotJPo

Listen up, single people. You can only sleep with so many people. Sooooo many people. So so so many.

@CornOnTheGoblin

sisqo: [filing a missing persons’ report] she had dumps like a truck
cop: i keep telling you, i don’t know what that means

@mofrorock

Marvel’s latest movie franchise follows an aging Peter Parker as he swaps crimefighting for medical studies in Spiderman: WebMD

@awkwardenabled

Bit into a beautiful looking strawberry, but it was actually rotten

Anyway, thought of you

@awkwardlyours

There should be a safe word for small talk:

“So how about this weather we’re hav -”

“RUTABAGA! GOD DAMN IT JIM, RUTABAGA.”