“She is not fine.”

~Sun Tzu

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her: there’s a spider in the bath

me: ok I’ll get him a little towel



ME (A REDHEAD): *turning to dust* Way ahead of you buddy.


M-I can’t go. My Ewok is sick.

H-Gigi that’s a stuffed animal.



M-Crap. I think you’re right. I bet he ate all my Doritos again.


I got a gumball machine for my 11th birthday. It was like saying, “Hey I got you a gift but you have to pay $.10 every time you want to play with it.”


SCROOGE: Oh great spirit…why are we at the Olive Garden?

GHOST OF CHRISTMAS PASTA: These guys have endless breadsticks


I’m a:

On a:
🔘steel horse


I’m wanted (wanted):


I have no time for stupid people

But they sure do have time for me.