@MelvinofYork: She said "you're dead to me" but I suspect she's planning to make me dead to everyone else as well
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@gabemakesmusic: I don't have a girlfriend but sometimes I like to pretend that I do; I just stand in my room screaming "That's not what I said!"
@Reverend_Scott: [Boss' office] "You're late AGAIN." Drove back for my phone. "Why do need it at work?" It's all I do. "WHAT?" I said, IT'S NICE TO SEE YOU.