@dreadnaught69: She thinks I drink all day when she's at work. I don't... I stop just before she gets home
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@JennyJohnsonHi5: Taylor Swift seems like the kind of chick who'd stare at her boyfriend while he's sleeping.
@FrazzleMyGimp: [leaving parents' house] HER: I thought you said your dad had one leg. ME: Ya he also has another one.
@SamGrittner: When a woman asks me how long I can last in bed I tell her it depends on how long someone brings me food and water but probably years.
@cravin4: Eight out of ten married people agree that on your wedding day it’s bad luck to say “i Do.”