Maybe installing Freudian Autocorrect was not the breast idea.
she wears short skirts
I eat pizza
she’s cheer captain
and I’m still eating pizza
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The scene from The Exorcist where she’s tied to the bed cursing like a sailor, but it’s me when getting a Brazilian.
Wife: What are you thinking about?
Me: You know, if Nessie was sworn into the mob-
Me: She’d be a Loch Ness Mobster.
you couldn’t be more wrong, i on the other hand could be far more wrong due to my incredibly vast stupidity
Give me that! You’re going to hurt yourself!
*hurts self with toy
My parents are pretty middle aged.
“So? That’s pretty norm-”
*two knights bust in*
“CHILD, DOST THOU REQUEST REFRESHMENTS FROM THE TAVERN?”
WEDDING SUPERSTITION: It is bad luck to get married.
A girl once asked if she wanted me to play Doctor. I said sure and made her wait in 2 different rooms for 45 minutes.
Humor stops for no one Samantha
I don’t want to give away my exact locale but I’ll just say I can see the moon from my kitchen. Please don’t abuse this info.