I’m putting salt in this mustard and I’m calling it Saline Dijon and you can’t stop me
shepherd: SWEET CAROLINE
sheepdog: god i hate this guy
sheep: BAH BAH BAH
sheepdog: ok i hate all of you
You Might Also Like
I am having an out of money experience.
Wife just changed her Facebook status to “It’s complicated.” Better go see what she wants.
Person 1: You should do Yoga.
Person 2: Why would I ever do that little green guy from Star Wars? He’s not sexy at all.
Person 3: She means the picnic basket stealing bear, idiot.
A taco bell would actually crack almost immediately so that’s a stupid name
Best senior quote ever
God: you’re a mummy.
Mummy: omg I’m pregnant?!?
God: no you’re the walking dead wrapped in toilet paper.
Mummy: what does that mean?
God: mostly you walk around scaring people and cursing things.
Mummy: [nods] cause of the pregnancy hormones.
Cop: have you been drinking tonight?
Me: no sir
Cop: *rips off mask to reveal my mother* well you need to stay hydrated
*turns on alarm*
Alarm: I have a headache
[First Date. Full moon]
Her: You looked different in your profile picture.
Werewolf: I forgot to check the calendar