I thought I saw Bradley Cooper but it was just every poem ever written formed into a beach sunset with amazing hair
Shepherd’s wife: You always seem so happy dear.
Shepherd: I got ewe babe.
You Might Also Like
My wine is telling me to dance but my brain is telling me to go to bed old woman you’re drunk.
If someone posts a picture of their kid on Facebook making a stupid face, I like to comment with, “Oh, NOW I see the resemblance!”
I can never understand why people act surprised when horrible things happen. Where have you been since birth?
“Stay out of the heat & stay hydrated.”
Thank you news-anchor. It’s my first summer.
News reports 5hr Energy may be linked to death. Don’t know if it’s an advertising gimmick or not but I bought a bunch to gift, just in case.
Elton John ”Hold me closer, tiny dancer”
CDC ”Stop right there!!”
Me: I need sex, and I need it now…
Her: I understand. You want to be alone.
*breathes on window creating condensation
*starts to write in condensation
*head slams into window and breaks it