*deals poker hand*
peacock that’s just looked at his cards:[giant feathers start spreading triumphantly]
everyone, at exactly the same time: fold
“Shh…it took an hour, but I think he’s finally asleep.”
*fireworks go off outside*
I WILL KILL YOU AND EVERYONE YOU LOVE
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*wakes up feeling healthy and energetic
Whew, that was close.
I got a new cat from the inner city shelter. So far he seems fine, except for needing to go outside every hour for a cigarette.
GF: every time we fight you start interpretive dancing
*i dance beautifully for 12 minutes*
GF: I DONT KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS!
I wasn’t trying to put you on a pedestal. I was trying to bend you over it.
I buy my cat Christmas AND Hanukkah toys, because I’m really not sure what her religious beliefs are.
I’m more confused than a chameleon in a bag full of skittles
Russian nesting dolls are so full of themselves.
He told me I cut my steak like a serial killer, so I whispered “What makes you think this is steak?” While I stroked his thigh with a knife.
“I mean if you do the math the most weight I can really gain from the pound of pumpkin pie I ate tonight is only one pound” I thought fatly.