@robwhisman

SHIT. NO. GODDAMMIT

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@r_ss_ll

my wife: i’m loyal to a fault

me: oh so i’m a fault now

@junejuly12

Only recently discovering that math is a branch of science probably explains my math marks in high school.

@BackrowSeats

Log Entry 21: it’s been 3 weeks & we’re still lost in this Macy’s. We were forced to eat Amy. Polo ties are now 40% off.

@mariana057

My son asked me where poo came from. I was a little uncomfortable but gave him an honest answer. He looked perplexed and stared at me for a minute then asked….and tigger???

@LurkAtHomeMom

If another mom leaves her kids with her husband to meet you out somewhere and you bring your toddler, that is considered an act of war.

@MacAnnabella

Passive aggressive has never been my thing, I prefer chasing you with a chainsaw.

@karatechopmonk

I tried coke once. And then for like another 3 years to make sure I didn’t like it

@TinCanDan

yeah st. louis has some weird eating habits but did you know that when you ask for pizza in chicago they give you lasagna

@_SingleBabyMama

Back in the old days you had to settle for someone within a 50 mile radius to love. Now with social media the whole world can disappoint you.