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my wife: i’m loyal to a fault

me: oh so i’m a fault now


Only recently discovering that math is a branch of science probably explains my math marks in high school.


Log Entry 21: it’s been 3 weeks & we’re still lost in this Macy’s. We were forced to eat Amy. Polo ties are now 40% off.


My son asked me where poo came from. I was a little uncomfortable but gave him an honest answer. He looked perplexed and stared at me for a minute then asked….and tigger???


If another mom leaves her kids with her husband to meet you out somewhere and you bring your toddler, that is considered an act of war.


Passive aggressive has never been my thing, I prefer chasing you with a chainsaw.


I tried coke once. And then for like another 3 years to make sure I didn’t like it


yeah st. louis has some weird eating habits but did you know that when you ask for pizza in chicago they give you lasagna


Back in the old days you had to settle for someone within a 50 mile radius to love. Now with social media the whole world can disappoint you.