@briancthayer

Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the other losers who missed a 15 million square mile target.

Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you’ll land among the other losers who missed a 15 million square mile target.

- @briancthayer

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@petemandik

I have just completed knitting a tiny sweater for my one true friend, who is a grape.

@stargazer15_

I’m the kind of girl that will suck helium from a balloon and talk dirty to you in a Minnie Mouse voice.

Really dirty.

@TheBoydP

The guy who first said “hear no evil, see no evil, speak no evil” was a genius, but the next guy who put it with monkeys, not so much.

@Gooooats

My Eight Year Old: Why do I have to learn cursive?
Me: Literally no reason at all.

@Cpin42

I feel like I’m finally ready to be a dad. Can’t wait to tell my kids.

@bonehugsnirony

Life is about experiences. First kisses. Books that change you. Self-medication. Dogs telling you to set things on fire.

@WildeThingy

Psychiatrist “Tell me about your trust issues.”
Me “No”

@iscoff

[Guy on the Death Star who’s really sick of hearing Vader’s breathing but is too scared to say anything]: I’m going to put on some music

@Jason_Horton

When the DJ asks if we are ready to party I sometimes lie & say yes even though I really need like 10 min to get ready