@theyearofelan: Should I buy a new pair of sunglasses or just leave $60 in a restaurant?
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@carlyken: [dollar store orientation] trainer: and how much does this cost? me: um, a dollar? trainer: wow are you sure this is your first day
@BoscoPorter: Cashier: "Would you like to donate to charity today or are you a giant piece of shit?"
@zachraffio: They say real men hunt their food, which is why I throw a spear through the box of pasta before letting it bleed out in my shopping cart.