@singwithTaffy: Shouldn't Alien vs. Predator just be called Alien vs. Alien?
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@evanwilliams: RESTAURANT WEBSITE DESIGNER: You know what your website needs? RESTAURANT OWNER: A clear way to contact us and reserve a table? RESTAURANT WEBSITE DESIGNER: A 3,000 word 'our philosophy' section. RESTAURANT OWNER: (nodding) Let's not even put our phone number on the website.
@jake_likes_naps: DATING TIP: PULL THE CHAIR OUT FOR HER. PICK THE CHAIR UP & FOLD IT. HIT HER OVER THE HEAD WITH THE CHAIR. GET THE 3 COUNT. NEW WWE CHAMPION
@robfromonline: me: aren't you going to ask if i'm sexually active doctor: i don't really need to me: wait why doctor: me: doctor: look i heard you say 'okie dokie' to the receptionist i already know you aren't
@internetluke: [finds money in jacket] nice [finds more money in pants] Today is my day. On a roll Boss: will you please take my jacket & pants off?