Shouldn’t Godzilla be fighting Satanzilla?

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Because of how time works, every photo is a ‘before’ photo.


Biden: Oh boy, his car is here, quick let’s all hide
Obama: Joe pls


He insulted my sister, and I let it slide. He insulted my mother, and I let it slide. Then…he insulted my tweets.


Her: I can’t believe I just peed in a McDonalds parking lot!

Me: Stick with me sweetheart, the entire world will be your toilet…


“First off I want to wish my opponent the best of luck and oh god. OH GOD NO” – presidential candidate accidentally using their 3rd wish


I can’t personally remember an Olympics with better toilet reporting


Of course your milkshake brings the boys to the yard. What boy doesn’t love milkshakes? If your asparagus brought em, then I’d be impressed.


Might get a Gatorade logo tattoo to symbolize my contempt for thirst.


Have you ever listened to someone talk for a while and started to wonder “who ties your shoelaces for you?”