@WhatevaConc: Shout out to hotel maids changing sheets on February 15th.
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@vladchoc: I don't need people. I have potato chips. And unlike people you can enjoy them and then legally throw their crumpled remains into a campfire
@lordratsquirt: Running with scissors is stupid. Throw the the scissors ahead of you and run to where they landed. Repeat until you arrive safely at your destination.
@notfaizzy: waiter: what would you like to order, sir? me: a naked salad, please. waiter: ... me: you know, no dressing.
@MeDistracting: The 80s gave me the unrealistic expectation that I would eventually see a mannequin come to life.