@JBwol

Shout out to my Dad who has accidentally listed 600 seals and 180 of their pups for sale on Facebook.

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@ruinedpicnic

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ilovedogs
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iloveparisdogs

@Vodkantots

Grilled cheese is just regular cheese that’s been forced to account for its whereabouts last night between 9:30 and 11.

@MoneypennyNaked

Married girls are so lucky. They can post anything they want on here because they already tricked some dumb guy into marrying them.

@NaaN_Conformist

Back in my day, we didn’t have iPads.

If we wanted to act elitist, we stuck the collars of our Polos straight up.

@iwearaonesie

wife *feels bad for feeding the kids chicken nuggets 3 times this week*
kids: THIS IS THE BEST WEEK OF OUR LIVES!

@JB4Realz

Turns out, the guy who invented CPR just liked kissing strangers then punching them in the chest.

@MakesYouGiggle

Sometimes I dance on my bed half naked & sing into my hairbrush…. and other days… I take my medication.