[Mad scientist lamenting]
“All that work, trying to create
a perfect palindrome ..wasted!
DAMMIT I’M MAD !”
shout “out” to people who stick around too long at your house
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[A snowman sees a sign for a snowblower]
Oh hell yeah
Me: I have 7 things to tell you about your house. Number 4 may shock you.
Customer: You are the worst electrician ever.
LIBERAL PARENTS REFUSE TO GIVE NAUGHTY TEEN COAL:
“fossils fuels cause global warming”
“billy woke up to solar panels in his stocking”
If you take longer than 10 seconds at the hand dryer, I will wipe my hands on the back of your shirt.
My grandma was so poor she only left me recipes for pasta dishes in her will, you could say she was my..
the batteries in my keys don’t work anymore so now i just say “CHIRP CHIRP!” as i walk away from my car. your move robbers
Please stay on the line. Your call is important to us. We think we might be in love with your call. We made your call a mix tape.
I was worried my notifications had stopped working but luckily I’m just unpopular.
My therapist told me to take more risks so I parted my hair on the other side this morning.