@: Shout out to people who text you and apparently throw their phone into a river as soon as they hit send?
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@KyleMcDowell86: "Is that a banana in ur pocket or are u just happy to see me haha" [i pull a hand full of lasagna out of my pocket] "Actually it's lasagna"
@Bdell1014: Having a crush on someone is so exciting. You know you'll end up ruining things like you always do, but how? The possibilities are endless.
@FrazzleMyGimp: [At drive through] GUY: would you like a drink holder? ME: ya sure [driving home] ME: so uh, what’s the pay like? GUY IN BACKSEAT HOLDING TWO SPRITES: It’s not great.