@christinaloca

Shout out to the little teapot song for making it okay to be short & stout.

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@melliemeow

I have on my new shoes today. They are so cute, and comfortable, as long as I don’t stand in them or walk in them.

@louisvirtel

Remember, you can always call your senator and leave a bloodcurdling scream.

@audipenny

[god, creating chickens]
Put a red beard on a fat hiccuping sparrow. Give him a matching hat, I don’t care

@HousewifeOfHell

My son was so excited to get a text from his beloved mama, he responded only eight hours later with a heartfelt “aight.”

@Pumpkinbabypie

HB: *text* hey, what’s for dinner?

Me: Roast Chicken.

HB: cool, you need me to pick up anything on my way home?

Me: yes, a roast chicken.

@Sinj1

#ChangeAConsonantSpoilAMovie
Snapes On A Plane

@rachel2manypaws

In a war with my neighbor to see who can attract more hummingbirds. We need more wars like this.

@ClaytonSykes

That awkward moment when you realize you were born roughly nine months after 4/20.

@winosaurusmom

After watching HGTV, my husband and I have decided to become dog walkers so we can increase our house hunting budget to 4 million.