@christinaloca: Shout out to the little teapot song for making it okay to be short & stout.
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@Parkerlawyer: Text to Hubs: If it's not too much trouble can you get me a bottle of wine and a fuzzy blanket? Hubs: You're literally sitting next to me.
@LurkAtHomeMom: When people say let's stop fighting and act like a family, that's where I get confused.
@TheHyyyype: [locksmith finishes replacing my lock] ME: so how do i know you won't come in later and steal stuff? LOCKSMITH: *looks around the inside of my house* i wouldn't worry about it
@squirrel74wkgn: [playing guitar in hotel lounge] Me: *puts out cigarette* Any more requests out there tonight? Front desk: Yes. Would you please get out of the lobby?