I have on my new shoes today. They are so cute, and comfortable, as long as I don’t stand in them or walk in them.
Shout out to the little teapot song for making it okay to be short & stout.
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Remember, you can always call your senator and leave a bloodcurdling scream.
[god, creating chickens]
Put a red beard on a fat hiccuping sparrow. Give him a matching hat, I don’t care
My son was so excited to get a text from his beloved mama, he responded only eight hours later with a heartfelt “aight.”
HB: *text* hey, what’s for dinner?
Me: Roast Chicken.
HB: cool, you need me to pick up anything on my way home?
Me: yes, a roast chicken.
I broke up with a guy because he killed a horse on Skyrim.
Snapes On A Plane
In a war with my neighbor to see who can attract more hummingbirds. We need more wars like this.
That awkward moment when you realize you were born roughly nine months after 4/20.
After watching HGTV, my husband and I have decided to become dog walkers so we can increase our house hunting budget to 4 million.