What do we want?
SOME GOOD DECISIONS!
When do we want them?
BEFORE LAST NIGHT!
Shout out to the people who deleted their twitter accounts on New Years, see you in a few days
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Leg day is just a fake day invented by Big Leg to sell more leg
Judge: plz tell the court what happened
Victim: he attacked me with this! [holds up pasta strainer]
Judge: that doesn’t hold any water
Black Mirror really outdid themselves this time. Having us EXPERIENCE season 6 instead of watching it on Netflix? Remarkable really
*medication may cause
– hair cramps
– tongue mold
– restless skin syndrome
– pomegranate ear
– swamp lip
– knee teeth
Went to the gym for the first time in months. It turns out I’m more ready for exhuming than I am for exercising.
There are two sides to every story. My side and the right side.
How do you know you’re allergic to cats if you don’t even eat them?
*helping son with math problem*
JUST WRITE 75 GODDAMMIT!
God: if u can’t spell ur name you’re going extinct
Jellyfish: seems fair
Pterodactyl: [to Brachiosaurus] this is bullshit