Mistakes married men make:
1. Doing things.
2. Not doing things.
3. Thinking about doing things.
4. Not thinking about doing things.
[showing new guy around office]
Me: Watch out for that guy, he has a short fuse, haha.
New guy: He said the same about you, haha.
Me: *throws coffee mug at wall* HE NEEDS TO SHUT HIS STUPID MOUTH!
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[guy who’s about to invent carbonation]
*drinking water* i wish this hurt
Cant stop watching this
I just did a zoom book talk with 100+ ppl and my mother came on and wrote this in the comments:
“Yeah, those black pants are okay. They just need a little something. Hang on..”
[rubs up against your leg] “that’s better”
“What should we call our matches?”
“I dunno, something normal”
Me: *coming out of my house two months from now, squinting into the light*
Neighbor: how was your quarantine?
Wife: Did you eat an ENTIRE half-gallon of ice cream?!?!
Me: It was getting freezer-burned.
W: I just bought it today!
Me: Crazy freezer.
me: I’m gonna work from home today
Both her name and her living situation suggests that the dwarves MAY have been referring to Snow White when they sang, ‘high ho.’