@thatdutchperson
@WillHinsa
My new years resolution is to stop biting my toenails. Nervous habit I picked up during all these meetings at work.
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@WillHinsa
@Ristolable
Today sucked so much it featured a guest verse from Pitbull
@vangobot
the votes are coming from… inside the country!!!
@DanMentos
My Grandpa: killed 17 Nazis and singlehandedly saved his entire battalion in WWII
Me: Sits around all day making up stories about my Grandpa
@impaulmccoy
The flight attendant has said “..and one in the rear” 3 times now and I’m Paul. I’m 12 years old.
@longwall26
Tonight, people who are weaker, slower, and dumber than you will deliver bags of treats to your very doorstep. Seize this moment.
@NoChillPosts
DEFINITELY CANT DUNK ANYMORE
@mommajessiec
Me: One last time for old times’ sake?
Broken washer: No.
@MarieColette
If anyone’s looking to join a pyramid scheme, hit me up and I’ll connect you with all the girls I went to high school with via facebook.