[Microsoft Outlook developer meeting]
“we need to tell users when their inbox is full”
how do we do that?
“we send them another email”
nice
You Might Also Like
No one has more false hope than my Fitbit when I get off the couch.
him: you’re not like most women
me: is it because I’ll eat an entire pizza, the fries in your hand, and a small village on a first date?
Do you like long lines, mass transit and sweaty white people?
Ask your doctor if a Disney trip is right for you.
‘Perfectly preserved 90s Burger King’ is the result I want from a skincare product
*Giant boulder slowly crushes several hundred cats*
Guy who’s about to invent the bagpipes: Hey, this gives me an idea!
Yeah but neither are the yachts soooooo 🤷♀️
I received many personality traits from my mom, but she got her short temper from me.
You could completely eliminate the semicolon key and 90% of America wouldn’t notice… until they needed to wink at somebody.
Recipes in your 40s should be like, the first thing you’re going to want to do with the frozen bag of peas is ice your knees.
KATY PERRY: Can I use a real tiger?
NFL: No way, that would be dumb.
KATY PERRY: Oh I’ll show you dumb.
Keep the business cards from people you don’t like. That way, if you should ever hit a parked car, you can leave it on the windscreen
Wife: what’s wrong?
Me *halfway through eating a horse* I’m not as hungry as I thought
According to customer service I can not bring sexy back…
Without the receipt, apparently.
Officer pulled me over & asked if I knew what the speed limit was, like I’m getting paid to tell him his job.
ME FEAR ME (Women want fish)
I got fired from the church nursery for racing the babies.
ME: I’ve brought you a house-warming present
ESKIMO: You idiot
I’ve had so much cough medicine and this has me in tears
Being a diabetic has proved to be difficult. For example, I can’t have a sugar daddy.
Me: *walks up to table next to mine in restaurant*
Are you done with that yet?
Her: We said no.
Me: But I need a green crayon for the tree.
“HR says I’m not allowed to play horseshoes in the hallway anymore. They say it’s dangerous and it alarms the tenants on the floor below.”
“HR? You don’t have a job.”
“Tell them that.”
Internet dating? No thanks. I like the internet, but I don’t like like the internet.
before puppy: ‘i’ma jump in the shower’
after puppy: ‘i’ma jump in the oven’
Call me a hoarder if you want but don’t come crying to me when you need a 3 foot tall stack of mayonnaise jar labels.
*walks into door on street, looks around*
Whew…no one saw me…One year later…
*watching TV*
*sees self on Funniest Videos*
Friend: You thinking what I’m thinking?
Me: It’s bullshit there weren’t schools from other continents in the Triwizard Tournament?
F: ….
My work here is don’t.
if you can’t judge a book by its cover then graphic design is a big fat lie
[watching action movie]
*hero stealthily snaps guard’s neck*
me: damn, I bet that felt really good
Just got 30 orange oval stickers printed that read NOW HAMSTER FREE
I’m putting them on all the meatloaf packages in this supermarket