@KevinFarzad

Sick and tired of cooking videos assuming I have 40 perfect little bowls to put ingredients in. Grow up

You Might Also Like

@PleaseBeGneiss

[stuck on side of road]

DATE: can you change a tire?

ME: what’s wrong with these clothes?

@TheTweetOfGod

What a tense, tense day 4/19 was. Maybe tomorrow, somehow, will be a little mellower.

@GrantTanaka

When someone asks me how my day is, I like to say “Still kinda pissed about Hiroshima,” & then start swearing in Japanese.

@poizngrl

ADHD in the streets

Naughty fr…so hey, does anyone want to play Sonic the Hedgehog?

@sweetg35

A little wine does the body good, a lot of wine does the body better!

@Megatronic13

Me: look who came by for a little sucky sucky

Vampire: don’t say it like that

@Getnosexual

My parenting life wavers between “Be original and true to yourself” and “Please don’t make the school psychologist call me again this week”.

@KalvinMacleod

Dave’s coming over

“Dave from work or loud and obvious Dave?”

[outside]
THE RAIN HAS MADE ME WET. I AM WEARING PANTS. MY EYES ARE BLINKING

@HandfulOfLewds

Satan: Welcome to hell, where it’s hot and never not! Any questions?

Me: Yeah, where’s the second circle? They’re expecting me.

@impaulmccoy

I microwave ramen noodles right before I go to bed so that they’re finally cool enough to eat when I wake up in the morning.