[stuck on side of road]
DATE: can you change a tire?
ME: what’s wrong with these clothes?
Sick and tired of cooking videos assuming I have 40 perfect little bowls to put ingredients in. Grow up
You Might Also Like
What a tense, tense day 4/19 was. Maybe tomorrow, somehow, will be a little mellower.
When someone asks me how my day is, I like to say “Still kinda pissed about Hiroshima,” & then start swearing in Japanese.
ADHD in the streets
Naughty fr…so hey, does anyone want to play Sonic the Hedgehog?
A little wine does the body good, a lot of wine does the body better!
Me: look who came by for a little sucky sucky
Vampire: don’t say it like that
My parenting life wavers between “Be original and true to yourself” and “Please don’t make the school psychologist call me again this week”.
Dave’s coming over
“Dave from work or loud and obvious Dave?”
THE RAIN HAS MADE ME WET. I AM WEARING PANTS. MY EYES ARE BLINKING
Satan: Welcome to hell, where it’s hot and never not! Any questions?
Me: Yeah, where’s the second circle? They’re expecting me.
I microwave ramen noodles right before I go to bed so that they’re finally cool enough to eat when I wake up in the morning.