@molly7anne

Sign: Drive like your kids live here!

Me: *flooring it because I’m excited to meet my children for the first time*

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@EvilHeart20

centipede: *gets down on one knee*

girlfriend: omg

centipede: *puts down second knee*

girlfriend: uhm…okay

centipede: *puts down third knee*

girlfriend: please stop

@bridger_w

The general rule is that you shouldn’t ride an elevator during a fire, but I mean, talk about a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity

@AmishPornStar1

Starting to think that having kids just to get some help around the house was a bad idea.

@batkaren

Yet another day I failed to wake up as a giant cockroach

@notmythirdrodeo

My daughter just called me “Whatever your name is” so you know I’m killing it at parenting multiple kids over here.

@weinerdog4life

I’m just a boy, standing in front of a girl, asking her to help me put a bunch of ducks in my car.

@noogscorner

Hendrix didn’t need to twerk on stage. He performed the old fashioned way, relying only on his musical talents and near lethal doses of LSD.