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@ashmensch: Silent Night,
All is calm,
@GingerGander: Every year, falling coconuts kill more people than shark attacks, but the families of the shark victims are less embarrassed.
@ericONEderful: A naked man brushed his teeth next to me as I washed my hands. This is why I don't go to the gym often.
@juneohara65: "Go ahead, caller. . ."
"Yes, hello. My dog dug up a femur and I'd like to make soup. Would you suggest carrots or potatoes?"
@AddledPixie: "Unhand me you cad!" I shriek, before turning disappointedly to see that I've only caught my shirt in the silverware drawer.
@1followernodad: The scariest part of Psycho is when she gets in the shower and THEN turns it on.