3. Most succinct version of the Bible
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#tbt that time i killed a bug and traumatized a child.
Walked past our fish bowl and the water bounced like that cup in Jurassic Park. Now I feel both insulted and all powerful.
Suddenly she was on her back, clothes strewn everywhere and her wrists bound to her ankles. She always had trouble hanging out the washing.
Overheard in 2nd grade class today:
“Do your work! Santa’s watching right now.”
“Yeah, my mom told me that ship has sailed for me long ago.”
This Polar Bear is my spirit animal
Confidence should never be confused with arrogance.
Arrogance is spelled way differently.
-What should we name this creature w/ big feet?
-And this w/ saber teeth?
-And this beaverduck?
The way to a man’s heart is thru his stomach. At least that’s what the crazy woman with the butcher knife kept saying at the murder scene.
“Emma Stone” ~ Italian man telling you he’s high