I was having a perfectly lovely Wednesday until someone told me it’s Monday.
Singin’ in the Rain is a beloved Oscar-winning classic, but singin’ on the train will get you harsh stares and a six seater all to yourself.
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I want to find a way to get women naked, rub them with lotion, and convince them to pay me for it at the end.
-The inventor of massage
So I purchased the baby oil, now, how do I get it in the baby?
Coworker: it’s dark already
Me: I know, Dan. I have eyes
CoW: it’s only 5 ‘o clock
Me: I KNOW DAN
CoW: it’s early
Me: THAT’S HOW EARTH WORKS
Crocodile: “See ya later alligator.”
Alligator: “yeah, I don’t do that anymore Jeff.”
Maybe the baby wasn’t on board. Maybe the baby was against the whole thing.
Got super excited about a 200 meter butterfly till someone explained it to me.
Simmer down with all the cheating bro, its a relationship not an Algebra exam.
GOOD COP: Here I brought you some tooth paste
BAD COP: Now drink this orange juice
Aliens: “Take us to your leader”
“Look we’ve made some mistakes”
“It’s been a weird year, half of us are morons”