She shouted “GET SOMETHING TO PUT ON BEE STINGS”
I fetched her one of her bras.
Now we’re not talking. Apparently.
Do, Re, uh…
*calls Lionel Ritchie*
“What comes after Do & Re on a music scale?”
Is it Mi you’re looking for?
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What idiot called it celiac disease when they could have gone with gluten for punishment?
How does Super Mario contact his dead brother?
Using a Luigi board!
-Why are you dressed like that?
-I’m a wizard.
-That’s a bath robe.
-You’re not magic, Ben.
-Watch me make my job disappear.
He has found a brilliant way to automatically keep all the horses warm, fed, and clean.
He’s a stable genius.
Their bedroom door is closed. I better walk in there for no reason.
Sometimes you look at an ex and think maybe they’re not so bad. And then they start to talk and remind you why you hate them.
Runs away from you…
Looks back to laugh at you…
Runs into pole.
told my therapist i was hesitant to start antidepressants bc of the sexual side effects and she said “do you even have enough sex for that to matter” and long story short im currently headed to walgreens to refill my prescription