McDonalds employees get so cranky when you perform the entire dance routine to Britney Spear’s “I’m a slave for you” before ordering.
“Sir u have a hernia”
“Haha c’mon doc don’t u mean a HISnea?”
“No I meant hern-”
“Im obviously a guy. How did u even get a medical license?”
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Are Millennials Destroying My Wife’s Favorite Lamp I Don’t Know How They Got in Either but I Definitely Wasn’t Practicing Karate in the Living Room so We Know It Wasn’t That
I ask myself, “How did I get here?,” I’m sure my neighbors ask the same question every time they catch me in their house…taking a shower.
My OnlyFangs is just me snapping my teeth at the camera and biting someone occasionally.
I woke up in the middle of the night to find my 4-year old staring me in the face, and then she said, “ mom, I love you, but I’m cancelling swimming lessons.” My life is the worst scary movie ever.
Say what you want about cargo pants but no woman has ever turned down a guy who can carry 7 puppies at once
doctor: now let’s step over to the xray machine
ray: the what
My daughter has a middle school government test today. So I figured the best way to help her study was to weave the material into our convo when she complained this am
Older generations using outdated references is like younger generations using new slang. Both laugh at the other for not getting it.