Wife: Rock the baby.
Me: *plugs in amp*
SIRI: Brian, what goes “blah blah blah, I don’t know anything, please help me”?
SIRI: It’s you. That’s what you sound like.
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Keep slugs out of your garden by building a tiny slug-sized amusement park next to it with slow safe rides.
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ME: What’s your secret? You’ve barely aged a day in years.
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Best thing about drinking in downtown LA is that if u need a bathroom, it’s all around you
Already ate all the toilet paper I stocked up on :/
I went to an AA meeting, met a lot of batteries
Kate on Facebook can’t believe the ordacity of some people.
I can’t believe the audacity of people who use big words that they can’t spell.