My wedding anniversary is next week. Does anyone have an idea for a gift that conveys the sentiment ‘our love is priceless’ for under $75?
Siri, who’s in my trunk?
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I’VE BEEN DIETING ALL WEEK!
-Me, on a Tuesday
DATE: I’m just looking for someone who goes with the flow, you know? Someone chill.
ME: [has a small panic attack whenever a shop assistant asks if I’m looking for anything in particular] *nods*
HR: Once again – “Judy from the Internet said so” isn’t a valid excuse….
My favorite self defense technique is to not let someone draw me into a fight.
I don’t really like the idea that James Franco might be in my grandkids’ history textbooks.
THEM: in 186 days an asteroid is going to collide with Earth
EVERYONE ELSE: *screaming*
ME: *deletes MyFitnessPal app*
*hears a sound*
haha lol wat if its a ghost
*5 hours later*
wwhat if it was a ghost
When I have a daughter I’m naming her Leroy. No guy will ever say “Yo bro I hooked up with Leroy last night” how would that sound?
My therapist told me I should start making my own decisions. So I stopped seeing him.