@UncleDynamite

sistine chapel

You Might Also Like

@pleatedjeans

“No way!” said the hitchhiker as both he & the driver held up an ax. “I was gonna kill you!” “No I was gonna kill YOU!” eruption of laughter

@sixthformpoet

The Pope is hardly the first person to lose interest in their real job so soon after joining Twitter.

@ArrogantBB8

*watches a movie with you*

*loudly beeps during all the good parts*

@iamspacegirl

Grandpa *pulls coin from my ear*
Me: Pft. Some trick.
Grandpa *shoves coin into my ear, twists my nose, peanuts begin pouring from my face*

@junejuly12

Like a lioness protecting her cub, but it’s me lunging at the coworker about to nibble on my favourite pen.

@geekysteven

AMERICA: We don’t need the metric system, our measurement system is fine
AMERICAN MEASUREMENT SYSTEM:

@DurtMcHurtt

I have the confidence of a bald headed eagle, and the shy modesty of his distant relative the combover falcon.

@OhNoSheTwitnt

“I am Daenerys Targaryen. The Unburnt. Mother of Dragons. Breaker of chains. Que-”

Job interviewer: Three references is fine.

@McJesse

WHY ISN’T THE MEDIA TALKING ABOUT THIS?!👇

*links to story on mainstream media site*