@hmcpherson17

Sitting outside the dentist office eating Oreos, b/c I think everyone should earn their pay.

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@anerdonfire2

I didn’t even know my grandma had a gun until I coughed at her house.

@Try2StopME

Jellyfish have survived here on Earth for 650 million years without brains. Great news for stupid people.

@DiamondLou69

She’ll be coming around the Mountain when she comes. – Mountain bragging.

@funnybeachgirl

I remember 9 months before I was born, I went to a party with dad and left with mom.

@ewfeez

Hacked again! Sometimes I wish I never grew up on 12,345,678th Street with a dog named Password.

@JayFinW

There’s a Gulf between peoples’ appreciation of cartoons. Dubai doesn’t like the Flintstones, but Abu Dhabi do.

@EndhooS

[Jack Black’s birthday]
Oh wow..ANOTHER rock polisher, thanks grandma.
“How is Rock School going dear?”
It’s School of ro- *sigh* nevermind.

@utofellatio

Henry constantly confuses sleeping people with dead people. Henry is also a necrophiliac so things get awkward for Henry quick