I’m donating my body to science. I’m getting sick of it taking up space in the freezer.
[sitting up to eat my ice cream] I feel my core getting stronger already
You Might Also Like
You legally aren’t married until someone says, “haha but seriously” in their wedding speech.
H: Are you a beer drinker or a wine drinker?
Me: … … … Yes.
Vegan pizza…. is basically
just the box.
my parents got an amazon echo for christmas & all they do is shout at it & get disappointed by all it can’t do. i’ve been replaced by alexa & it’s great.
If it weren’t for the gutter my mind would be homeless.
Today Mother phoned asked me what I was doing . I said I was on Google maps and looking at her house .She asked if I could see her waving .
This is your captain speaking. Would someone who knows how to be a pilot please come up? I’m literally just pressing buttons.
Legend has it if u whisper IKEA 3x in the mirror an extra screw will appear & you’ll be haunted by the piece of furniture you ill-assembled.
If at first you don’t succeed then try, try again.
Unless you’re skydiving then good luck with that.